Starting up..

Why did I choose this esoteric title? Let me tell you about it.

Many years ago, to impress a girl who was borrowing my register I wrote on the first page:

Dreams are incessantly forgotten

Intent is what guides purposeful men

Years have passed yet these lines scribbled at the moment perhaps drew out what I believed strongest in. Some time later I gave one of those competitive exams that potentially 'change your life'. A lot of us give these exams, almost all dream of success but few get to change their lives. I was one of those who got to the good side.

Yes, I worked hard but if I would give more credit to the 10 mins I spent before the exam. I used to sit down and close my eyes and visualize what I planned to do in the paper. No, I did not know the paper yet I could see myself doing well. This created a positive energy beyond any I had ever felt. Doing well was no longer a dream but an intent.

Again when I was doing my MBA, I felt that energy again. I could see where I was going. I was at the top of my game. I seemed to know what to do. Idealism is good, dreams are better but I had much more going for me. I had direction, I had intent. I had the respect of my professors and best companies in my field lining up for me.

But somewhere today I see that I have lost the edge. I am still good, probably doing better than most but somehow it feels as if I do not have direction. I work in a 3x3ft cubicle but my thoughts seem even more constrained. I work hard but only in the direction that others point to. My thoughts reach out but only to the distance I am allowed to.

Ask me today what I want to do and I would give you an answer laced with jargon so deep that it exposes my shallowness. Tell me what I dream of doing and I will give you the right answer, not one which is mine.

I see my chains which is the start of the solution. Getting my thoughts out is the second part. Thats where this blog comes in. If I see my inner voice out there enough, maybe I will recognize it. And that is the path to getting it back. The dreams, the direction, the intent!